He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
