if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
