Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
