I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
