it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
