I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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