I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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