yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
