I like to think it a success when the cops are called
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
