Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
