what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
