I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
