I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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