I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
