Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
