I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
