She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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