he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
this is an emotional support booty call
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
