I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
