Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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