i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
