Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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