I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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