If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
