I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
