I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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