im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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