you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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