hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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