I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im holly from the hills drunk
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
