i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my shit smells like andre
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
