I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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