At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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