Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
