1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize