Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
