her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
