my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
