She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize