don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
