Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I party with great urgency now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize