i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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