I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
