So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
