I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
