I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
