I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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