its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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