you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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