Whod you bang
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
