look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
