No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
