my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
