So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
