If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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