OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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