So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize