um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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