She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
