I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
