My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
